Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’ -Bob Dylan
June 30th will be my last day as an official Columbia Power and Water Systems employee. I knew this had been coming since November but when you’re faced with a change it can feel scary/overwhelming/uncertain. Surprisingly, I feel pretty good.
It kind of feels like my bonds have been cut. One more cage door has been opened. See I haven’t been able to go full throttle on the things I want to pursue because I feel like I’ve had to be this “thing”. This “thing” has to say the right thing and do the right thing all the time. I didn’t really get the chance to explore or express as I would want for fear of backlash on my employer. Well guess what… those days are over.
Take notice. If I see something I want to do, I’m going to do it. If you have fucked around and made a mess of a situation I’m involved in, from here on out no quarter will be given. Consider me a beast off a leash, an animal no longer to be caged. It is freeing to know what I can now do what I want, when I want, and the only person I have to answer to is me!
Anteambulo, noun: A person whose job it is to walk in front of another; especially an usher; also figurative. Now specifically in Roman History: a client who walked in front of his patron to clear the way.
Ryan Holiday says it best:
“Find canvases for other people to paint on.
That is, completely ignore getting credit, getting ahead, even throw out what your job is supposed to be on paper. Instead, focus all your energy on finding, presenting, and facilitating opportunities that help other people inside the company succeed — particularly the people you directly report to.
The Roman patronage system had a role in it that we have no real analog for. The word is “anteambulo” — literally meaning “clearing the path.” An anteambulo proceeded in front of their patron anywhere they traveled in Rome, making way, communicating messages and generally making their lives easier.
That’s what I am talking about. Your real job, when you just get started, is to support, clear, and aid. If you can do that well, you will be indispensable, I promise.”
Right now for some reason this seems to be the path I’m on or back on. It’s when I perform my best. I bring my best work to the table when it represents the best interest of other people!
It’s been quite some time. It’s not a fault or a problem but more a state of mind I have to acquire to get to this point.
I’ve been exchanging pieces of me for new ones. I love the process of self improvement. It gives you a new perspective, a new outlook, a new way to see the old version of you that either a) didn’t work, b) wasn’t properly configured, c) had the right components but wrong configuration or d) the right configuration but wrong components.
Every time I evolve (or devolve depending on what’s needed), I exchange these pieces for what I need or think I need. To get to this mindset it requires a degree of detachment either through mental or chemical means. To get to this point it requires me to dust off, uncover, disassemble, and break down the thing I currently am to see where I need to go. I have to go back through and see what pieces worked, in what configuration, and what I may need moving forward. Sometimes new pieces need to be forged. Sometimes old pieces need to be repaired, modified, or fixed. It can be difficult and tasking, but it’s always worth it.
I don’t think most people are capable of this level of detachment. They see themselves as a fixed thing and not a fluid being. Humans are generally only capable of understanding 5-7 bits of ever present data at one time. The rest is logged and filed away in your subconscious where they may or may not manifest in any number of ways. This is where fears, limiting beliefs, and psychosis can stem from. If you’re not dealing with it, you’re still dealing with it.
I’ve made it habit over the years to meditate, use hypnosis, or NLP to rewire that subconscious to keep that info and help me build a new me. I’m on the verge of a new me again (the first in about a year and a few months) and it’s exciting. I’m really hoping the person closest to me decides to do the same because what comes out will not be the same that went in.
I firmly believe in the level up and for whatever comes next, I WILL be ready. The real question is, will everyone else?