So I’m still not sure why I’m wanting to write this stuff out and down and put it out there publicly. I think part of it is trying to deal, process, and cope with such a large, devastating change in my life. The other side is that I realized early on that this situation was not one that I could hide from. Not acknowledging or not owning what happens to you is the worst way to keep yourself in denial and make it hurt longer.
My first steps through this process were very easy in retrospect but grueling in practice. Not immediately shouting all kinds of horrible shit all over social media, through all of my combined outlets about the person I once adored more than anything else in the world was the first step. I tried to keep that damage to a minimum and try to re-frame it into a positive thing, because in reality it is. When someone secretly makes it their mission to make your world/your life as absolutely miserable as possible, you lose sight as to what happiness is. It’s refreshing and sometimes a little intimidating to see the world through new eyes. Normal, everyday things become new as you have to relearn and adjust these new situations. Even simple things like what side of the bed to sleep on or how to fold the towels can be new experiences if you look at them right.
I think those first steps are important to getting your shit together. You can wallow and cry and pout but eventually you’re going to have to get your shit together. You’re going to have to face reality, even if that reality sometimes begins and ends in the big ass bottle of Jim Bean Kentucky Fire.